The Weapon Snitch

Have you ever read a fantasy novel and thought to yourself, ‘My, it sure is fortunate that the hero found the flaming sword of eternal flames just in time to fight the giant ice monster of the frozen caves because, as luck would have it, the only thing that could hurt that monster is the aforementioned flaming sword of eternal flames?’ Have you ever been in a movie theater and thought it was just a little too coincidental that the warrior just happens upon the right weapon in time to kill whatever slimy, fangy, horny (…er) whatsit that has been terrorizing his (insert quaint medieval location for lead character’s domicile here)? Have you ever played a video game and thought, okay, who’s putting all these weapons around here because this just doesn’t happen in real life or else I’d have found the Magical Underpants of Asking Cindy Loo Out back in the sixth grade and would probably be happily married by now?

On the distant mystical planet of Tun (pronounced like “tune” without the “e”), the responsibility of making sure the right weapon is in the right place for wondering loincloths wrapped around muscle bound heroes falls on the shoulders of one man, The Weapon Snitch (Here Snitch is either an ancient word for a venerated keeper and procurer of important things or, depending on who you ask, an ancient word for thief).

Meet Percival Grey, the current Weapon Snitch. Grey is a man who talks to Kings and Gnolls as one and the same, walks unarmed into the deadliest of dungeons, and makes a rather delicious rabbit stew. But don’t ask him to go on an adventure, and whatever you do, don’t call him a hero. Percival Grey is far too important for such things; he doesn’t go on adventures, he is the man who makes sure adventures can happen at all.

Where there is the Weapon Snitch, there is his brilliant young apprentice, Marster. Quiet, unassuming, and conscientious, Marster is a grounded young teen that balances out his mentor’s eccentricities. Head crammed with a metric bookload of knowledge and polite to a fault, this Weapon Snitch in the making promises great things (while taking a little time to put his mentor in his place when he really needs it).

Together these two delve into the dungeon’s of Alminia, planting magical weapons where they belong, talking to the undead, and bartering with bloodthirsty monsters.

This is a three part series with the first book completed and in the editing stage, the second book fully mapped out and work ready to begin, and a solid foundation established for the third book.

The Weapon Snitch and the Crown of Blood – After a group of bumbling adventurers handover the Crown of Blood (a powerful vampire artifact) over to Lord Reginald Argyle Dragat (a vampire), Percival Grey and Marster must help the trio put things right before Dragat’s vampiric army overthrows the kingdom.

The Weapon Snitch and the Red Knight – A mysterious Red Knight roams the countryside of Alminia, swiftly and deftly completing quest after quest and putting all of Alminia’s other adventurers out of work. This would be fine by Grey except the Red Knight is doing this without the Weapon Snitch’s help, putting Grey out of work as well. Meanwhile, King Almin holds a tournament for his daughter Aria’s hand in marriage. When the Red Knight enters in the competition, Grey mysteriously follows suit, leaving Marster and his (maybe if he ever gets up the nerve to ask) girlfriend Gwyneth to put together all the pieces to the puzzle.

The Weapon Snitch and the Twilight Army – A shipwrecked sailor washes up on the shores of Porton, Alminia’s primary port… um… town. This sailor is a refugee from a new continent never heard of before by the peoples of Tun, a continent run by Martella, a tyrant bent on power and conquest with the Twilight Army at his command. When Martella’s fleet is seen approaching Alminia, Grey and Marster must now learn what it is to be a Weapon Snitch in a time of war. They have faced everthing from Master Vampires to Gender Inequality, but they have seen no evil quite like this. As the refugee warns, “When you see the purple of Martella’s army on the horizon, your twilight has come regardless where the sun sits in the sky.”

After completion of the third book, there is plenty of potential for there to be more Weapon Snitch stories preceding the original three, and even exploring Weapon Snitches of the past.

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